It’s the katydids and the birds. It’s the leaves gathering momentum, the sound of things flung from trees. Fleeing, falling, crashing to the ground. The sunlight is disjointed. It comes to me broken and perplexed. Everything is green and angry, all of it fighting for space, all of it pushing to be heard and seen. The heat is sucking and pulling, forcing its way inside until I am buoyant, until I float above the trees. I cannot stop the opening. The tiny things coiled neatly in the deep have sprung open. They are full of the letting go. And the words… they are rising. Coming loose deep inside and rising. They float out of my being and demand that they be heard.
It is this place. It is the depth of its seasons. It is the way one’s soul is moved to a sudden memory by a bitter winter cold or a searing summer heat. But mostly, it is the way I am no longer held to the ground by the roots of my past. All of the things that once kept me in place have frayed until they are no more. And so it has happened. I have become untethered.
The tether. That thing that binds us to our families of origin, not by any desire of our own, but through the mere act of existence. We spend our lives exploring the roots of this connection, be it to an unending wellspring of love or the heavy, unshakeable burden of pain. In its healthiest form,Continue reading “1. The Tether”
The following post contains language and imagery that refers to suicide. Please take care in reading. If you need support at any time, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. I am not sure if the voice I hear in my head belongs to my brother or just my memory of him. IContinue reading “4. Atonement”
What is it that you want to know? And if I answer, will you turn away? To be seen is fascinatingly frightening. Who can bear up under such a thing? Still, I have carried this inside of me for so long. It has carved pieces out of my soul, like water shaping stone. What haveContinue reading “5. The Question”
I’m fascinated with the connections we make in life, how some stretch through time and space, as though they are unbreakable, and how others fray and snap, leaving us to wonder what happened and how to fill that empty space. (un)tethered is all about the connections to family, love, the modern church, and fourteen-years of single-parenting.
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